Quotes by Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

Explore a curated collection of 24 quotes by Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands. Discover timeless wisdom, insightful thoughts, and memorable words that have inspired readers around the world. Browse through the gallery below and click on any quote to read more.

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers. — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole b — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to re — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern. — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends. — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
It was Valentine's Day and I had spent the day in bed with my life partner, Ketel One. The two of us watched a romance m — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
I had always dreamed of being a professional escort but never thought that there was any real money in it. — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
There are many ways to get to know someone, and my favorite is seeing them naked in Happy Baby pose.I also feel it is im — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
After discovering him in his threesome, I spent the next two weeks in bed suffering from a severe case of vagina elbow. — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
I can't," I said. "I threw my back out masturbating. — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time. — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
We checked our bags and got on line with some of our fellow passengers. Judging from the looks of them, it was clear tha — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
And just like that, as if I hadn't said anything at all, the ladies sprang into a conversation about the sinful nature t — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
My mother is European and expresses her love through food and cuddling. She wasn't the type of mother who would make it — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
If I had seen pictures of people eating each other on the wall, I would've told him I was into cannibalism. — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
I had heard my brothers and sisters use curse words but had never dared use one myself in front of anyone. But I had pra — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looking. — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
My mother is the antithesis of a typical Jewish mother, she is very soft-spoken and takes more naps that a cat. As a res — Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands