Quotes by Joan Rivers

Explore a curated collection of 42 quotes by Joan Rivers. Discover timeless wisdom, insightful thoughts, and memorable words that have inspired readers around the world. Browse through the gallery below and click on any quote to read more.

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't makeit through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll — Joan Rivers
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. — Joan Rivers
I do a lot of lectures on survival. I always say you can't change what happened, so have a little wallow, feel very sorr — Joan Rivers
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven. — Joan Rivers
It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up. — Joan Rivers
Looking fifty is great - if you're sixty. — Joan Rivers
I hate Billings Montana. They have a fashion show at Sears Roebuck - no models. You open a catalog and point. — Joan Rivers
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit the stores are open late and thanks to television you — Joan Rivers
I hate housework! You make the beds you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again. — Joan Rivers
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over he would have put diamonds on the floor. — Joan Rivers
He loves to eat - he puts mayonnaise on an aspirin. — Joan Rivers
I take him to McDonald's just to watch him eat and see the numbers change. — Joan Rivers
He has more chins than a Chinese phone book. — Joan Rivers
We Can't Afford to Doubt Ourselves I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door I'l — Joan Rivers
I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material. — Joan Rivers
It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up. — Joan Rivers
With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that's what death is - without waking up — Joan Rivers
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that li — Joan Rivers
Comedy is learning to be funny, and you learn to be funny in small rooms with young audiences. — Joan Rivers
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds. — Joan Rivers