If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjac — Craig Ferguson
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If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.

— Craig Ferguson
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More “Alcohol” Quotes

For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but eventually, I had t — David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day
Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy! — Warren Ellis
To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems — Matt Groening
An alcoholic is someone you don't like, who drinks as much as you do. — Dylan Thomas
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. — Alex Levine
This is a good place," he said."There's a lot of liquor," I agreed. — Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises
I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels. — Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right
ligion is the opiate of the masses." "I did masses of opiates religiously. — Carrie Fisher, Postcards from the Edge
What is your advice to young writers?” “Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes. — Charles Bukowski, Hot Water Music
[I]t is the wine that leads me on,the wild winethat sets the wisest man to singat the top of his lungs,laugh like a fool — Homer, The Odyssey
Cheap booze is a false economy. — Christopher Hitchens, Hitch-22: A Memoir
Where else can we find happiness for a day other than from something that can offer momentary relief, something like the — Janvier Chouteu-Chando