Quotes by Dave Barry

Explore a curated collection of 86 quotes by Dave Barry. Discover timeless wisdom, insightful thoughts, and memorable words that have inspired readers around the world. Browse through the gallery below and click on any quote to read more.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full po — Dave Barry
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes sev — Dave Barry
The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter. — Dave Barry
Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber ca — Dave Barry
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. — Dave Barry
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as — Dave Barry
Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of — Dave Barry
I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday c — Dave Barry
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. — Dave Barry
As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, an — Dave Barry
Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knee — Dave Barry
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous — Dave Barry
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. — Dave Barry
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. — Dave Barry
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. — Dave Barry
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you wil — Dave Barry
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. — Dave Barry
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat w — Dave Barry
Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing. — Dave Barry
The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to t — Dave Barry