Much as he detested Filch, Harry couldn't help feeling a bit sorry for him, though not nearly as sorry as he felt for himself.

The best way to remember your wife&#039;s birthday is to forget it once. — E. Joseph Cossman

She&#039;s too young for Medicare and too old for me to care. — Anonymous

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two. — Red Skelton

Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument. — Anonymous

If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law. — Edgar Howe

My wife loves Europe  but to me it&#039;s a bad day at a theme park. — Jay Leno

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars. — Fred Allen

Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger. — Anonymous

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school. — Dave Barry

France is the only country where the money falls apart and you can&#039;t tear the toilet paper. — Billy Wilder

When people ask me if I have any spare change  I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet. — Nick Arnette