Nancy Herman, my new gym partner and locker neighbor, puts her hand on my shoulder and whispers, "Don't worry April. I have foot fungus too.

If you talk to God  you are praying  if God talks to you  you have schizophrenia. — Thomas Szasz

You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans. — Woody Allen

I wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up. They have no holidays. — Henny Youngman

B.I.B.L.E. = Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. — Anonymous

I didn&#039;t want to pray to God &#039;cause I didn&#039;t want him to know where I was. — Marsha Dobb

My wife converted me to religion. I never believed in hell until I married her. — Hal Roach

Leisure time is when your wife can&#039;t find you — Anonymous

Golf and sex: Two things you can really enjoy without being that good at them. — Anonymous

I&#039;ve always been well liked. I was so popular in school  everybody hated me. — Anonymous

There are no perfect people - except  of course  my wife&#039;s first husband. — Anonymous