Quotes by George Carlin

Explore a curated collection of 102 quotes by George Carlin. Discover timeless wisdom, insightful thoughts, and memorable words that have inspired readers around the world. Browse through the gallery below and click on any quote to read more.

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, ev — George Carlin
It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot. — George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. — George Carlin
We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the w — George Carlin
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. — George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. — George Carlin
The planet is fine. The people are fucked. — George Carlin
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. — George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? — George Carlin
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. — George Carlin
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. — George Carlin
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? — George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people — George Carlin
Meow” means “woof” in cat. — George Carlin
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form — George Carlin
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should — George Carlin
Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell t — George Carlin
How is it possible to have a civil war? — George Carlin
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. — George Carlin
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. — George Carlin